Maybe the sky can fall......

Ok, so it's been a long time since I posted. I've had some ideas but never made it to the computer to post. I'll get to those sometime, but today I need to say something about this STUPID bailout of Fannie and Freddie. So hear goes....

AMERICA!! WHAT THE H*E*L*L ARE YOU THINKING!!!?? I have no idea! Why are we bailing out Freddie and Fannie? WHY!!??? I love my house, but I don't really like paying my mortgage. That means I sure as heck don't want to pay somebody else's!!!! I just don't understand! I'll agree its traumatic to lose your house- a crisis even, but it's survivable. It's not starvation. Its not a heart attack. It's not cancer. It's not a war. It's not any of those things. Why is anyone entitled to a house at someone else's expense? Why?

They say this is going to cost about 300 billion dollars. Many economists think it's closer to a trillion- a TRILLION dollars we don't have! For what?- to keep companies that made stupid loans- predatory loans- loans that were downright unethical to people that couldn't afford them. Ok, I'll say it- to stupid people that bought houses they can't afford with loans they didn't understand and now- you and I and our children and grandchildren are suppose to pay for them! Need I remind everyone America is a CAPITALIST society- not socialist. I want to live in a capitalist society. That's why I'm still here. Not that I'm not without empathy- if this was a bailout of starving people or finding a cure for cancer or even alternate energy then I might feel differently, but I'm not paying for some else's lifestyle. Folks, this is a lot of money for people to stay in their house and for poorly run companies to stay in business- I think that is RIDICULOUS! Get an apartment and let the companies decide their own fate. Oh and for those of you that don't own but rent- you're paying for a house too- one you pay for in taxes, not one you deduct from your taxes. If the banks were so worried by this why didn't/can't they restructure the loans to keep them, from going into foreclosure? If you ask me, they don't need a bailout- they need a good MBA class on management and finance.

Additionally, here is the long term consequences. We don't have 300 billion dollars. We don't have a trillion dollars and we've more than maxed out our credit. So America, get use to the idea- your dollar is about to be worth a whole lot less. Next time you go to buy that 'made in China' or 'made in Canada', yes Canada! item it's going to take more of your paycheck because the dollar won't be worth anything. So now you aren't only paying for the houses of the stupid people and their stupid banks, but you are paying more for other things because our credit crisis has so deflated the dollar that you can't buy anything with it. Oh yes, this is going to be a recession for the record books. They say that most recessions have a 30% decrease in the market. My thought is that is just going to be the first inning. Who's going to buy into a market that is going down with a de-valued currency? Even getting down to the bone marrow won't be deep enough to solve this mess.

So, you might ask what I'm going to do about it? Well I'm putting my vote where my mouth is. I am voting OUT every single person on the ballot that voted for this or supported it and I am only voting for people that opposed it. Clear and simple- here is what I'm saying- I'm not buying someone else's house. I'm not saving a stupid bank and I'm not giving anyone a job that isn't smart enough to figure this out. So this is it- my hill to die on, my line in the sand, my litmus test and for those of you that know me well- yes this means I'm not voting for who I said I was going to all along. If you feel the same way, please consider taking the same action.

The 10:25am showing......

Sometimes a special movie comes along bearing gifts- characters you fall in love, places you escape too or dreams you share in. I guess that is part of the magic of Hollywood. Sometimes though, Hollywood captures the amazing human spirit. Just sometimes, Hollywood rewards those that have changed the world, that have etched their mark on history and then returned to walk among us.

I wasn't thinking of any of that when I went to see 'The Great Debaters.' Denzel Washington never makes a bad movie and I was looking forward to enjoying the big screen over holiday break.

As I was walking into the theatre, I notice an elderly women walking with a cane. She was being escorted by a much younger relative or friend. I held the door for them, but did not notice what movie they were going to see. I bought my ticket, my popcorn and my soda and went to the theatre, waiting for my friend to join me.

If you haven't seen 'The Great Debaters', please go. I think tears were in my eyes from the first few minutes and while my tears would swell throughout the movie, they would never run dry. It is just an amazing movie, one of importance to all citizens of the world.

Afterwards my friend and I sat and discussed how far we had come and how much we had left to do in the quest of equal rights. We talked of people's perceptions and where comfort zones would begin and end. How quickly or slowly change comes and the hope that is brought on by new generations. We talked until we felt the stare of the usher wanting to clear the theatre.

As usual, we had to stop in the ladies room before leaving. As I went to wash my hands, I once again saw the elderly lady with a cane and her younger companion. There were tears in their eyes. I guessed they must have seen the same movie as we did and it must have deeply touched them, I thought. While we walked out with them, the older women began telling us her sister died two years ago and she wished that she had lived long enough to have seen this movie. The younger lady left to get the car and we waited inside with the women with the cane. It wasn't that she needed our help, she was 91 and still drove and took care of herself she said convincingly. She was active and fine she informed us. What kept us standing there glued to the cement was her story. She was in high school in 1935 when the film takes place. Her sister was in college- at Wiley, the school portrayed in the movie. Her sister was a member of the debate team, although not the team of the movie that debated the national champions. Her sister remained at Wiley teaching history. Those characters in the movie were her friends. She had known them all. Their reality of living in the Jim Crow south were her realities. It wasn't a long conversation as her niece quickly brought the car around and she left. In such a short time you could tell her pride in the story told. She talked of the troubles Denzel Washington had getting backing for the movie. She said he had to put himself in front of the camera, contrary to his original plan to simply direct, just to gain sponsorship. She talked of how much he cared about the project, speaking with her several times and even asking her for a copy of her sister's obituary. The movie was rerun of a small part of her history.

As I walked to my car I could hardly keep the tears from flowing. The life she has lived, the changes she has seen, the oppression that she has lived through. I was just overwhelmed to have been privileged enough to spend a few minutes with her in the lobby of a movie theatre. To have had a glimpse of her life so fresh in mind while she beamed w/ such pride and gratitude over Mr. Washington's work. It was an incredible feeling.

Years from now when I remember this holiday season, I doubt I will remember the presents under the tree or the snow that just kept coming or my calls to the city to have the subdivision plowed. I am certain though, that I will never forget the few moments spent in that theatre lobby and grey haired lady with the clear, plastic cane and the emotion felt of a time I never knew and a story that she does not forget.

From a friend....

Along the lines of my previous post- this was sent to me. I thought it was so touching I just had to share.....

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, with out patience or loss they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disilllusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have beed tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard, I have learned compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother. (author unknown.)

It's what you say......

Recently I've had a foray into the world of ART or Assisted Reproduction Technology. Many have prompted me to blog about my experiences. While I'm not ready to do that, I do want to share some things I've learned, mistakes I've made. I was advised that this may make people feel bad. Please, none of this is about what's been directed at me- it's about what I've learned dealing with others. So while you may take it heart, do not take it personally .......

To begin with, you don't know who is trying to conceive and having problems and who isn't. I've learned to not ask about children in someone's future. If they are having problems this is painful to them. They often don't want to talk about it and each time they are asked it brings to the surface already raw emotions.

ART of any kind- IUI, GIFT, ZIFT, IVF is not easy. Those who have not gone thru it cannot imagine what it's like- physically, emotionally, mentally. Don't pretend you understand cause you just can't unless you've been there and been there and been there- the best you can do is listen, sympathize and pray.

You can't solve ART problems. Certified specialists often can't solve ART, lay persons don't have a chance in this arena. Suggesting other solutions like adoption, or lifestyle changes such as 'relax- it will happen' are futile at best and wounding at most. If they wanted to adopt they would be pursuing adoption. Down the road they may decide it's an option, but that's not the space they are in right now. Telling them something that may seem re-assuring such as 'relax, it will happen,' says to then that this is their fault because they aren't relaxed enough, or are too stressed or something in their behavior is preventing them from getting pregnant. This is not reassuring to them at all.

Getting 2 lines on an hpt doesn't mean they will deliver a baby. Getting a heartbeat on ultrasound doesn't mean they will deliver a baby. Getting a clear CVS or Amnio doesn't mean they will deliver a baby. Bear with them if they aren't excited about a positive hpt or a good ultrasound- they may have been here before with a bad outcome. Any lack of screaming from the rooftops is probably just a defense mechanism against the heartbreak of it not working out.

ART is hard on the body, often times involving over 50 injections of high powered hormones over a 10 day period. ART is hard on the heart being such a roller coaster of emotions- hope, despair, joy, and heartbreak. ART is hard on relationships/marriages. ART is hard on the mind which becomes foggy from the meds and begins to doubt ones worth when the rest of the world does something so easily and you cannot. ART is hard on the wallet with individual tries costing up to $20,000+. Yes that is four zeros. Those going thru ART may have incurred incredible debt and may or may not have achieved their dream and may never achieve their dream.

So what I have learned about ART- it is not for the faint of heart nor faint of spirit. I was advised to end on a more upbeat note, but for many trying to conceive there isn't one. So, these are my mistakes, God willing and the creeks don't rise, I won't make them again.....

Pssst- I have a secret.....

Yesterday I had a secret
It wasn't a very big one
I didn't ask anyone to keep it
But none the less, I had a secret

Now my secret is out
Lots of people know
It isn't anything to shout
At least not yet til more is known about

So my secret isn't a secret anymore
Not that I care
But what if the boat never comes to shore
Then will I have to talk about my secret some more

Kermit.. come get your friends!

This is my simple mailbox...



















and these are the frogs that insist on living in it....

!!!.............WHY?? !!!!!

Lately......

I know there has been a lapse in my blogging lately- no good excuse, or a lousy one for that matter, comes to mind. My sister has been trying to get me to write on the animal cruelty going on with celebrities. I think that is so obvious, it's hardly worth mentioning- love your animals or don't have them. Besides, too much reflection on it and I just get sad.

For weeks I was mesmerized by the trapped miners. I just don't understand how in the year 2007 with all our technology we can't tell where they are or if they are alive or dead. I get GPS doesn't work thru a mountain, but surely we have the ability to amplify the signal throughout the mine, or at the very least, we could have dropped a locator device thru that first hole to pick up their signal had they been wearing proper devices? And what the hell are we doing still being dependent upon coal anyways? To those probably deceased miners and their families- you have been in my thoughts and prayers.

Ok, enough of the depressing stuff. I have some questions.

Have you ever noticed how the drive thru lines at fast food restaurants get longer when the college kids go back to school? It gets better so they must find non-college-kid help, but then next year the same thing happens. Do they fire the regular help to get the college-kid help? Why is this a cyclical thing?

I water my lawn so I currently have the only green lawn on the cul-de-sac. I know- waste of a resource, water is precious, etc. I'm an avid recycler, but on this I'm splurging. This week the Scott's guy fertilized and put down broadleaf control on my lawn on accident- instead of doing my neighbor's dead, brown yard, which they pay approx. $50 for the treatment. If these Scott's guys are so bright- who in their right mind fertilizes a yard in the middle of a 20 day, 100 degree heat wave? !!!!! I was not happy. The only saving grace is the broadleaf control hasn't dented my weeds, so I'm guessing their fertilizer isn't all that effective either?

I use to have a frog in my mailbox. I'd remove him and he'd keep showing back up- or at least a very good look-alike would. The other day I had 3. Why would a frog or frogs prefer to live in my plastic, black mailbox rather than my beautiful, regularly watered, great garden?

I recently read in a magazine where earthworms were not indigenous to North America and were brought over by the European settlers. Apparently the forests use to be filled with leaves, fallen branches, etc. until the introduction of the earthworm. It also said that an earthworm would spend it's entire life in one back yard. I'm having trouble figuring out how they spread all over North America and managed to clean up all the forests in a few hundred years. How prolific can an earthworm be?